Nicky doesn't trust me at the minute. I don't quite know what he thinks. That I'm going to run away. Drown myself. Kill myself. Go and murder random people in a shopping centre. Who knows, the possibilities are endless.

I wasn't in when he got home with the girls from school today. I'd gone out with Ben. It's not a crime, is it? Okay, maybe I don't normally go out. But I had to do something, so I just went for a walk. I forgot to take my phone so he couldn't contact me but i'm a big girl. I can cope.

So I was gone a few hours. Truthfully I didn't realise how late it was and I thought i'd be back in time for him coming home. Obviously not. He was panicked to the extreme when I got back.

It drives me crazy, but at the same time I know deep down that he has every right to panic. I panic. I don't know what I might do half the time. That sounds bad. I'm crazy, but not that crazy. Well, I must be if it's true.

So.. what's my point? I don't know. He gets worried but shouldn't get worried but i understand he gets worried because i get worried too but the fact he gets worried pisses me off even though i would be the same...? Whoa. Yeah, something like that.

I don't want to make him worried. I don't mean to. Today I just needed to get out. I had Ben with me, what did he think?! I don't want to know what he thinks I might do. It's horrible to think. But at the end of the day, it's my fault he thinks those things, and if there wasn't a possibility of them then he wouldn't.